I'm Still Alive!!!!

I was quite glad when bedtime finally arrived last night.
I felt famished after eating the noodles.
Sadly, we had nothing else in the house!  I'm definitely going to go down the chicken salad route next time!  With an egg on top!!!!
I'm so glad that I did it.

Today feels kind of liberating.  I've had toast with 'best better' and honey and a lovely cup of coffee HOWEVER, I've not gone overboard with the butter - just didn't see the need, and haven't put any sugar in my coffee, just the usual semi skimmed milk.
I'm not saying to myself, 'I'm on a diet and must be careful' I'm just having what I want.
I recognise that I can eat WHAT I want, but not HOW MUCH I want, so if I have two huge bars of chocolate every day I'm not going to lose weight - what's the point in a day of fasting for no weight loss and possible weight gain?

I feel good.  I feel like I'm doing 'something'.  I'm looking forward to the next fast day as I like the challenge!

The sun is shining so for the sake of my health and the health of my children we're going to be going for a lovely walk by the river.  I can't wait until it feels easy and good to walk out wearing light summer clothes instead of the usual trousers, T Shirt and cover up shirt on top!  Bring it on!!!!

Half way to Heaven

I'm half way through my first fast day and I feel OK.

I'm working, which is good as it means my hands are busy.  I do find that I can think about other things whilst working so, shock horror, the majority of my spare brain space is taken up by food. 

This isn't a problem - when ever I try to lose weight ALL I think about is food so thinking about it whilst fasting is no biggie!

I've been up since 8.30, (major lie in for us...  not sure how that happened!) and it's now 12.36. I am hungry but it's not manifesting in stomach rumbling, it's more wanting to put something in my mouth!!!!  (now here, less of that snickering in the back row!).  It's not that I want to fill my belly, it's that I want to chew something!  Again, this isn't a new feeling.  In the past, when I've done Slimming World, I've felt like this all day long and filled my mouth and my belly with aspartame laden yogurts and chemical enhanced snack pots.  I'm happier eating nothing and most certainly healthier!  

I am going to have a meal at about 5pm so that's only another 4 and a half hours to go, (hence, half way update!).  Once 5 o.'clock arrives I might decide to eat later than that; we shall see.  500 calories is substantial which is good.  After I've eaten I'm going to put some bread in the bread maker for tomorrow and wallow in the self satisfaction that comes from sticking to ones plans and not spending the day eating biscuits and toast, (a usual work day for me....  I don't feel as though I have time to cook things and Mark's usually out with the children while I work so I munch on biscuits and make lots of rounds of toast.  Depressing eh). 

Back to the sewing machine, coffee and sugar free juice.  

So it Begins.............

So, today it begins; fast number one. 

As a morbidly obese mum of three, I know that I need to change my diet and life style or, like my mother and grandmother before me I probably won't live past the age of 63.  I'm 37 now, (hang on while I work it out - do you forget how old you are or is it just me?) and I've only spent about 1 year of my 37 in the 'healthy weight range'. 

I've tried Slimming World, Weight Watchers and Rosemary Conley.  Rosemary and my impending wedding saved me for a while but after having my first child I went into diet rebound mode and ate my way to oblivion.  Two children later and the death of my mother made food my sanctuary, my crutch and ultimately, my worst enemy. 

I hate being over weight yet every day I make choices to keep my body wobbly and my heart working at a ridiculous rate i.e.  I chose to eat 'crap' - biscuits, cakes, chocolate; all the feel good in the mouth stuff.  Going upstairs is daunting as I hate feeling of physical stress on my body.  Being with other people is difficult as I'm self conscious about my frumpy clothes and I know anything that I'd like to wear will just look ridiculous.  A a size 30/32 vintage full circle dress???  I would be able to host a circus under the skirt for goodness sake - no, not good.  

'Fay, do you want a coffee'

'A black coffee please, no milk and no sugar'

....  yes, the day has begun.  

It's 8.57am and I'm feeling positive.  I'm not 'expecting' to fail or to want to eat anything that will sabotage my efforts to live a longer, healthier life free from Diabetes and Alzheimer's.  I am expecting to make it through the day feeling good, feeling positive and probably feeling rather hungry.  Am I going to eat my 500 cals this evening or not?  Who knows...  if I do they will be constituted of two dippy eggs and a bit of toast.  I couldn't eat eggs for a while.  The thought of them being made by the chickens in my back garden just freaked me out and I was repulsed by their slimy yellow unmade baby insides but now I just love them!  I can be thinking, 'this is a chickens menstrual cycle' whilst dipping my toast in a not even flinch.  I'm so glad! 

We were on holiday last week.  The day before we went away my family and I met a wonderful friend at a local farm.  I had two lattes, a caramel shortbread and a bit of ginger biscuit before heading to my dad's house for fish and chips.  Whilst scoffing the caramel shortbread my friend told me about the 5 2 diet.  I thought she was off her rocker....  eat what you want for five days then starve for two days EVERY week?  Are you mad?  Doesn't it hurt you???  What's the point in this new fad?  Why not just eat healthy ALL of the time and have a little bit of what you fancy???

Well, first of all, how many mornings have I woken up thinking, 'today I will eat healthily.  I will not over eat,  I will copy the rabbits and the sheep and eat lots of green things'...  FAIL.  That hasn't happened for a Longggggg time....  1 year out of 37 as a 'healthy weight' is proof of that.  

I needed a bit of convincing about this 'new fad' so I watched the TV program aired last August. 

I saw it on line here...HERE

Then I joined the forum here....  HERE

... and so it begins. 

Wish me luck!